AWNAA - Pending Legislation

[ALPHAGRIZ1]

Pending Legislation - Americans With No Abilities Act

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act.

(AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees
lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%).. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions,
and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Miller, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to his inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Miller added. With the passage of this bill, Miller and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.'

[dbackjon]

[AZGrizFan]

That "rightey-tighty, lefty-loosey" thing always gets me too... I feel ken Miller's pain.

[Grizalltheway]

Agreed, it's just too bad alphie doesn't have the 'ability' to include a link with an article, and to not paste the entire thing.

[93henfan]

Agreed, it's just too bad alphie doesn't have the 'ability' to include a link with an article, and to not paste the entire thing.

Saved him some work:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congre ... s-act,541/

[CID1990]

Is that the Onion? Got a linky?

[93henfan]

Is that the Onion? Got a linky?

The article is twelve years old, so be sure to replace "Clinton" with "Obama" before reposting on your favorite right wing web sites.

[ALPHAGRIZ1]

Agreed, it's just too bad alphie doesn't have the 'ability' to include a link with an article, and to not paste the entire thing.

I wanted people to think I wrote it, if your left wing cohorts are gonna steal my money, steal welfare, and not show up to do your jobs, then I am gonna plagiarize my ass off like nobody has ever seen.

Fu*k You Grammer Natzi

[CID1990]

Is that the Onion? Got a linky?

The article is twelve years old, so be sure to replace "Clinton" with "Obama" before reposting on your favorite right wing web sites.

I just wanted a link so I could send a funny article to a couple friends here at work.