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I recently asked my friend's little twelve year old girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed. 'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?' I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.' Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her quietly, "Do you hate dirty brown people?"

She replied, "Yup."

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."

Skjellyfetti wrote:I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her quietly, "Do you hate dirty brown people?"

She replied, "Yup."

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."

Good girl. Sounds like her parents raised her right.

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be Vice President some day. Both of her parents (spineless liberal pieces of shit btw) were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the Vice President of the United States of America, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, "What is it exactly a vice-president does everyday?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."

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I was talking to a friend's little boy who mows my lawn. I was telling him that I found someone else to mow my lawn.

"What do you mean?" he started tearing up. "Haven't I done a good job?". "It's not that" I said. "I pay you $20 to mow my lawn and I found a mexican guy who will do it for $10. Sorry, it's market forces at work". "I thought you hated illegal immmigrants?" the boy said. "I do" I replied "but business is business". The boy paused and thought for a moment. "So even though we don't like illegal immigrants we can still hire them? All this time I could have just outsourced it to this guy and made $10 a week for doing nothing while still hating his guts?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party"

Delusions of epic proportions..................................

Welcome to the Republican and Democratic Parties...

Our representatives will escort you to your seat...



It use to be the difference between the dems and repubs was...the dems are tax and spend...the repubs are borrow and spend...

Now, the problem is, the dems are in power and decided to merge the two...

And all the repubs can/will do is whine....

Greece today is this country in a few years...

Skjellyfetti wrote:I was talking to a friend's little boy who mows my lawn. I was telling him that I found someone else to mow my lawn.

"What do you mean?" he started tearing up. "Haven't I done a good job?". "It's not that" I said. "I pay you $20 to mow my lawn and I found a mexican guy who will do it for $10. Sorry, it's market forces at work". "I thought you hated illegal immmigrants?" the boy said. "I do" I replied "but business is business". The boy paused and thought for a moment. "So even though we don't like illegal immigrants we can still hire them? All this time I could have just outsourced it to this guy and made $10 a week for doing nothing while still hating his guts?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party"

Nice work skelly.

I posted this same joke on egriz a couple of years ago after a conk friend had emailed it to me. My response to his email:

The little girl could form a lawn care corporation and a bank.

She would take the $50 from her parents friend and pay the homeless guy $10 for the lawn care. Because $10 is less than a living wage, her bank would loan the homeless guy another $10 at a 29% monthly interest rate (which according to the bible is considered usury and amoral). Because of the loan he could not only afford a few cans of food, but a cardboard box to sleep in when it rains. She could threaten him with illegal immigrant labor or outsourcing if he complained about his wages.

She would spend $10 on campaign contributions and lobbying to get her favorite politicians to lower taxes on corporations and the rich while raising FICA taxes on the homeless guy to pay for unneccessary cold wars and future banking industry bailouts like her friend's hero Ronald Reagan did. She would also lobby for the deregulation of her bank and the financial services industry enabling her to traunch the original loan and sell it on the derivatives market to secondary lenders.

She would invest $10 enabling her to own several vacation homes and retire at a young age earning ridiculously high and undertaxed dividend checks while sipping Mai Tai's by the pool, contributing very little to the overall economy.

The next $10 would be spent in Church tithings helping her to feel better about screwing the unfortunate.

The remaining $10 she would blow on Oxycontin and hookers.

Then she would be a Republican

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

"Because I hate the homeless, sweetie. I'd never offer anyone in rags a job. But I'm perfectly fine with child labor."

Her little 6 year old face scowled and she looked down before muttering "You're a mean old man." I sneered at her and said, "Welcome to the face of the Republican Party, sweetheart."

It's all so sad and true on both accounts that it makes me cry and laugh at the same time.

I don't think this thread is turning out the way Z intended

Good stuff Jelly.

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dbackjon wrote:I don't think this thread is turning out the way Z intended

I didn't start this thread.

AZGrizFan wrote:

dbackjon wrote:I don't think this thread is turning out the way Z intended

I didn't start this thread.

Awesome

AZGrizFan wrote:

dbackjon wrote:I don't think this thread is turning out the way Z intended

I didn't start this thread.

You, native, T-man - you all post alike

The post at the start of the thread is OK because good humor requires an element of truth and it has that. The responses fall short because there's no element of truth to them.

dbackjon wrote:

AZGrizFan wrote:

I didn't start this thread.

You, native, T-man - you all post alike

You, UNHatecats, Maojeff - you all post alike

















...Dipshit!

JohnStOnge wrote:The post at the start of the thread is OK because good humor requires an element of truth and it has that. The responses fall short because there's no element of truth to them.

Yep. Pathetic. Despite the truth in Colonel Hogan's Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum allusion.

Skelly, benne, henne and dbj don't surpise me. Predtictably brainless stuff without merit or substance.

DD's response surprises me just a bit, but one post does not make a body of work.

Kalm's petty and off-target response took some effort and was also a bit of a surprise. In kalm's case, I suppose we should be glad that he showed his true colors.

At least Cleets can be bold, imaginative and intelligent with his attacks, thus sometimes thought-provoking and entertaining. Where are you, jizz?

JohnStOnge wrote:The post at the start of the thread is OK because affirms my political beliefs. The responses fall short because they do not affirm my political beliefs.

fixed

My daughter and I were walking and we passed a homeless man.

"Daddy, why is that man so dirty?" she asked.

"Well, sweetie, it's because he's really really lazy and doesn't want to be productive. He's a subhuman piece of trash and I wish he'd just get cancer and get off of welfare."

"Wow, really?"

"Welcome to the Republican Party."

native wrote:

JohnStOnge wrote:The post at the start of the thread is OK because good humor requires an element of truth and it has that. The responses fall short because there's no element of truth to them.

Yep. Pathetic. Despite the truth in Colonel Hogan's Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum allusion.

Skelly, benne, henne and dbj don't surpise me. Predtictably brainless stuff without merit or substance.

DD's response surprises me just a bit, but one post does not make a body of work.

Kalm's petty and off-target response took some effort and was also a bit of a surprise. In kalm's case, I suppose we should be glad that he showed his true colors.

At least Cleets can be bold, imaginative and intelligent with his attacks, thus sometimes thought-provoking and entertaining. Where are you, jizz?

"Good humor" and 5 year old conk chain letters don't jive.

native wrote: At least Cleets can be bold, imaginative and intelligent with his attacks, thus sometimes thought-provoking and entertaining. Where are you, jizz?

Gee thanks for the back-handed compliment...
But I haven't commented specifically because I don't really care about either party that much - I think both stabs were fairly entertaining.. but ultimately both parties serve the same master: Big Business / Big Lobby / Special Interest / Boondoggle / Self Interest / Pork Laden / swindling directly from the U.S. Citizenry...

I'm certainly a Liberal person but as you already know I'm not exactly gushing with enthusiasm for the Democratic Party It's proven over a very short period to be just as broken, deceitful and bad for America as the Republican Party

Chizzang wrote:

native wrote: At least Cleets can be bold, imaginative and intelligent with his attacks, thus sometimes thought-provoking and entertaining. Where are you, jizz?

Gee thanks for the back-handed compliment...
But I haven't commented specifically because I don't really care about either party that much - I think both stabs were fairly entertaining.. but ultimately both parties serve the same master: Big Business / Big Lobby / Special Interest / Boondoggle / Self Interest / Pork Laden / swindling directly from the U.S. Citizenry...

I'm certainly a Liberal person but as you already know I'm not exactly gushing with enthusiasm for the Democratic Party It's proven over a very short period to be just as broken, deceitful and bad for America as the Republican Party

+1

I'm still trying to figure out what's worse, the authorized greed of Republican policies versus the unintended consequences of the do-gooder nanny state Democrats.

Chizzang wrote:

native wrote: At least Cleets can be bold, imaginative and intelligent with his attacks, thus sometimes thought-provoking and entertaining. Where are you, jizz?

Gee thanks for the back-handed compliment...
But I haven't commented specifically because I don't really care about either party that much - I think both stabs were fairly entertaining.. but ultimately both parties serve the same master: Big Business / Big Lobby / Special Interest / Boondoggle / Self Interest / Pork Laden / swindling directly from the U.S. Citizenry...

I'm certainly a Liberal person but as you already know I'm not exactly gushing with enthusiasm for the Democratic Party It's proven over a very short period to be just as broken, deceitful and bad for America as the Republican Party

Chizzang wrote:

native wrote: At least Cleets can be bold, imaginative and intelligent with his attacks, thus sometimes thought-provoking and entertaining. Where are you, jizz?

Gee thanks for the back-handed compliment...
But I haven't commented specifically because I don't really care about either party that much - I think both stabs were fairly entertaining.. but ultimately both parties serve the same master: Big Business / Big Lobby / Special Interest / Boondoggle / Self Interest / Pork Laden / swindling directly from the U.S. Citizenry...

I'm certainly a Liberal person but as you already know I'm not exactly gushing with enthusiasm for the Democratic Party It's proven over a very short period to be just as broken, deceitful and bad for America as the Republican Party

You've sure got some blind spots, but your points in this case are well taken. Glad you chimed in!