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A very wealthy man is on his deathbed and three close friends, his accountant, his doctor, and his attorney, visit him.

The ill man tells his friends, "You know, they say you can't take it with you, but I think they're wrong. I think you can take it it with you."

He then hands each one of his friends one million dollars in cash.

"You are my dearest and most trusted friends," he says, "so please do this for me. At my wake, when you approach my coffin, please place this money in my coffin so I will have money with me where I'm going."

His three friends reluctantly agree and take the money, agreeing to place the money in his coffin at his wake.

The man dies and all three men attend his wake. Later, they decide to have a drink in memory of their friend.

After a while, the accountant says, "You know, I have a confession to make. I feel awful about this, but I couldn't bring myself to place a million dollars into his coffin. I mean, what a waste of a lot of money that could be used for something worthwhile. So I donated half the money in his name to a world hunger organization."

The doctor then says, "I'm glad you spoke up. I felt exactly the same way. So I donated half of the money in his name to fund a children's wing at the hospital.

The lawyer looks at his friends with disdain. "You guys disgust me," he said. "I'll have you know I placed into his coffin a check for the FULL amount."

Damn Lawyers

JoltinJoe wrote:A very wealthy man is on his deathbed and three close friends, his accountant, his doctor, and his attorney, visit him.

The ill man tells his friends, "You know, they say you can't take it with you, but I think they're wrong. I think you can take it it with you."

He then hands each one of his friends one million dollars in cash.

"You are my dearest and most trusted friends," he says, "so please do this for me. At my wake, when you approach my coffin, please place this money in my coffin so I will have money with me where I'm going."

His three friends reluctantly agree and take the money, agreeing to place the money in his coffin at his wake.

The man dies and all three men attend his wake. Later, they decide to have a drink in memory of their friend.

After a while, the accountant says, "You know, I have a confession to make. I feel awful about this, but I couldn't bring myself to place a million dollars into his coffin. I mean, what a waste of a lot of money that could be used for something worthwhile. So I donated half the money in his name to a world hunger organization."

The doctor then says, "I'm glad you spoke up. I felt exactly the same way. So I donated half of the money in his name to fund a children's wing at the hospital.

The lawyer looks at his friends with disdain. "You guys disgust me," he said. "I'll have you know I placed into his coffin a check for the FULL amount."

Miss Smith was talking to her first grade class about animals; she told them that man is the only animal that stutters. Little Johnny immediately begins waving his hand. "Miss Smith", he says, "we had a cat named Fluffy that stuttered." "Really?", says Miss Smith, "Are you sure he was stuttering?" "Yes", says Johnny, "one day the neighbors Rottweiler jumped the fence and Fluffy said ffffffffff......ffffffffffffffffff, but before he could say "fcvk" the dog ate him."

I heard that joke a long time ago, told by LTG Bud Watts (former president of The Citadel), except that the three sons were a clempson grad, a USC grad, and an El Cid grad wrote the check.

houndawg wrote:


Miss Smith was talking to her first grade class about animals; she told them that man is the only animal that stutters. Little Johnny immediately begins waving his hand. "Miss Smith", he says, "we had a cat named Fluffy that stuttered." "Really?", says Miss Smith, "Are you sure he was stuttering?" "Yes", says Johnny, "one day the neighbors Rottweiler jumped the fence and Fluffy said ffffffffff......ffffffffffffffffff, but before he could say "fcvk" the dog ate him."

houndawg wrote:

JoltinJoe wrote:A very wealthy man is on his deathbed and three close friends, his accountant, his doctor, and his attorney, visit him.

The ill man tells his friends, "You know, they say you can't take it with you, but I think they're wrong. I think you can take it it with you."

He then hands each one of his friends one million dollars in cash.

"You are my dearest and most trusted friends," he says, "so please do this for me. At my wake, when you approach my coffin, please place this money in my coffin so I will have money with me where I'm going."

His three friends reluctantly agree and take the money, agreeing to place the money in his coffin at his wake.

The man dies and all three men attend his wake. Later, they decide to have a drink in memory of their friend.

After a while, the accountant says, "You know, I have a confession to make. I feel awful about this, but I couldn't bring myself to place a million dollars into his coffin. I mean, what a waste of a lot of money that could be used for something worthwhile. So I donated half the money in his name to a world hunger organization."

The doctor then says, "I'm glad you spoke up. I felt exactly the same way. So I donated half of the money in his name to fund a children's wing at the hospital.

The lawyer looks at his friends with disdain. "You guys disgust me," he said. "I'll have you know I placed into his coffin a check for the FULL amount."

Miss Smith was talking to her first grade class about animals; she told them that man is the only animal that stutters. Little Johnny immediately begins waving his hand. "Miss Smith", he says, "we had a cat named Fluffy that stuttered." "Really?", says Miss Smith, "Are you sure he was stuttering?" "Yes", says Johnny, "one day the neighbors Rottweiler jumped the fence and Fluffy said ffffffffff......ffffffffffffffffff, but before he could say "fcvk" the dog ate him."

[quote="houndawg]
Miss Smith was talking to her first grade class about animals; she told them that man is the only animal that stutters. Little Johnny immediately begins waving his hand. "Miss Smith", he says, "we had a cat named Fluffy that stuttered." "Really?", says Miss Smith, "Are you sure he was stuttering?" "Yes", says Johnny, "one day the neighbors Rottweiler jumped the fence and Fluffy said ffffffffff......ffffffffffffffffff, but before he could say "fcvk" the dog ate him."[/quote]



I'm adding this one to my catalogue.