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Some downright funny shit...

"Top Eleven Signs You're a Christian:"

11- You believe in a book (New Testemant) that was written 80 years after your Messiah died by men who never met him (Ever played "Telephone"?) but continously deny modern science books.

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Jim Morrison voice:

You CANNOT petition the lord with prayer!

houndawg wrote:Jim Morrison voice:

You CANNOT petition the lord with prayer!

You gotta love Jimmy...

"If the asension story were true, and Jesus was travelling at the speed of light, he still hasn't left our galaxy."

- Carl Sagan

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Good stuff.

Ezekiel 23:19-20 (New International Version)
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Polsomgriz,
If you really want to properly set off a thread like this, you have to directly address the Catholics.
Signed,
D1B

PS FAIL

andy7171 wrote:Polsomgriz,
If you really want to properly set off a thread like this, you have to directly address the Catholics.
Signed,
D1B

PS FAIL

That went through the ol' noggin Andy but then I figured I would be alienating whole other sects besides those useless fucks. Well at least as useless as zionists, evangelicals and those who attend liberty...

polsongrizz wrote:

andy7171 wrote:Polsomgriz,
If you really want to properly set off a thread like this, you have to directly address the Catholics.
Signed,
D1B

PS FAIL

That went through the ol' noggin Andy but then I figured I would be alienating whole other sects besides those useless fucks. Well at least as useless as zionists, evangelicals and those who attend liberty...

And that is why D1B would be on page 14 by now and you are swinging in the wind wating for Flames fans to respond.

kalm wrote:"If the asension story were true, and Jesus was travelling at the speed of light, he still hasn't left our galaxy."

- Carl Sagan

Acceptance of that nonsense would send my entire county into melt down, and nothing constructive could be done for weeks.

Shameful. Disgraceful. I pray for all of your sinful souls.

Father Hurtz wrote:Shameful. Disgraceful. I pray for all of your sinful souls.

Still taking it in the ass I assume.

andy7171 wrote:

polsongrizz wrote: That went through the ol' noggin Andy but then I figured I would be alienating whole other sects besides those useless fucks. Well at least as useless as zionists, evangelicals and those who attend liberty...

And that is why D1B would be on page 14 by now and you are swinging in the wind wating for Flames fans to respond.

You are more than likely right, I might have to run any future posts through you first.

Lay off my boy Hurtz, Pols. He means well.

kalm wrote:"If the asension story were true, and Jesus was travelling at the speed of light, he still hasn't left our galaxy."

- Carl Sagan

Except God, and Christ, don't work within man's frame of numbers and measures.

polsongrizz wrote:

andy7171 wrote:
And that is why D1B would be on page 14 by now and you are swinging in the wind wating for Flames fans to respond.

You are more than likely right, I might have to run any future posts through you first.

Wow, your come on lines are really getting bad. I mean there's no way GC fell for a line like that.

MSUDuo wrote:

kalm wrote:"If the asension story were true, and Jesus was travelling at the speed of light, he still hasn't left our galaxy."

- Carl Sagan

Except God, and Christ, don't work within man's frame of numbers and measures.

Wow, that's deep.

MSUDuo wrote:

kalm wrote:"If the asension story were true, and Jesus was travelling at the speed of light, he still hasn't left our galaxy."

- Carl Sagan

Except God, and Christ, don't work within man's frame of numbers and measures.

Well of course they don't now that it's figured out that it doesn't work.

BTW, how did those stories get recorded? Wasn't it by men of the time? I wonder how they didn't figure out that they should relate the story in a way that their fellow man would have an understanding of it?

I mean they must have had massive insight on the time space relationships so they could have let us dummies know that 7 days isn't really 7 days by our standards couldn't they?

Why is Sunday the day of rest? We can't possibly think that this works out can we? I think we've been making a whole lot of mistakes here don't you?

MSUDuo wrote:

kalm wrote:"If the asension story were true, and Jesus was travelling at the speed of light, he still hasn't left our galaxy."

- Carl Sagan

Except God, and Christ, don't work within man's frame of numbers and measures.

Who created man's frame of numbers and measures and why is they so ignorant?

It seems odd that science often disputes religious belief but I've never seen a religious revelation dispute science. Has it ever happened?

Ursus A. Horribilis wrote:It seems odd that science often disputes religious belief but I've never seen a religious revelation dispute science. Has it ever happened?

Well yeah, other than creationism, global warming, flat earth...or do you mean something that observably disputes science?

kalm wrote:

Ursus A. Horribilis wrote:It seems odd that science often disputes religious belief but I've never seen a religious revelation dispute science. Has it ever happened?

Well yeah, other than creationism, global warming, flat earth...or do you mean something that observably disputes science?

Yeah, I was referring to something that your average man could take a look at and say "Hey, there ya go! Good call religious dude!" or something to that effect.

All religion is a farce. I can't decide who are bigger douche bags, Christians or Mormons. It's close.

eagleskins wrote:All religion is a farce. I can't decide who are bigger douche bags, Christians or Mormons. It's close.

Lots of christian and mo people are nice folks, they're just a little weak on the advances in cosmology over the past couple of millenium.....