John Cleese comments on the terror threat.
Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 11:26 am
The English are concerned about the recent increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore raised their security level from “miffed” to “peeved.” If the threats continue to grow, the security levels may be raised to “irritated” or even “a bit cross.” (The English have not seen “a bit cross” since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.)
Terrorists have been recategorized from “tiresome” to “a bloody nuisance.” The last time Britain issued “a bloody nuisance” warning was in 1588, when Spain launched the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “pis*ed off” to “let’s go get the bas*ards.” They don’t have any other levels—which is why they have been placed on the front lines of the British Army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced that it has raised its terror alert from “run” to “hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “collaborate” and “surrender.”
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance“ to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Meanwhile, the Spanish are excited to see that their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautiful new vessels have glass bottoms, so the Spanish sailors can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Down under, Australia has raised its security level from “no worries, mate” to “she’ll be all right.” The next escalation would be “we may need to cancel the barbie this weekend.” The final level is “Crikey! The barbie is cancelled.” Australia has never faced a crisis so severe that it merited this highest level.
Terrorists have been recategorized from “tiresome” to “a bloody nuisance.” The last time Britain issued “a bloody nuisance” warning was in 1588, when Spain launched the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “pis*ed off” to “let’s go get the bas*ards.” They don’t have any other levels—which is why they have been placed on the front lines of the British Army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced that it has raised its terror alert from “run” to “hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “collaborate” and “surrender.”
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance“ to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Meanwhile, the Spanish are excited to see that their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautiful new vessels have glass bottoms, so the Spanish sailors can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Down under, Australia has raised its security level from “no worries, mate” to “she’ll be all right.” The next escalation would be “we may need to cancel the barbie this weekend.” The final level is “Crikey! The barbie is cancelled.” Australia has never faced a crisis so severe that it merited this highest level.
