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I don't know about you all, but I'm concerned about our conk brothers here: Z's pretty much dropped out, has no will to fight even though I've been baiting him for a couple months now. He's a perfect candidate for suicide watch. Tman has just gone completely bonkers, Ivytalk shows up and nary a whimper. Clenz is performing admirably but he's too nice, plus he's young and in love and has genuine hope for the future unlike some of our more grizzled conk veterans. Blueballs, is just a cool fukcer and will prosper no matter what the conditions are.

Anyhoo, I'm here fellas. I minored in psychology and I'm willing to help to the best of my abilities. I also lost two close national championship semifinal games to the eventual national champion, so I know what it's like to lose.

Perhaps we can use this thread as a resource for more professional help. Post links here to psychotherepists, drug and alcohol counselors, help lines?

Hey it's YOUR thread fellas, you make it what you want.

Good luck and godspeed.



"Tman, put down the plastic explosives!"



"AZ, what's wrong with you! You have so much to live for!!! We have a question in the audience..."



"I see. Well I'm NOT supposed to be helping Jews but in this case I'll make an exception for you Ivytalk. First question, Do you have any young boys at home and where do they go to school? I'll also need their after school schedule, you know, soccer practice, band, what not... it's just a formality"



"Aw jess fvck it Bro and chillat. I'm Blueballs, all I need is a cool drink, a bud and a beach. Peace

OK, D1B, I'll bite. Mr. Psychology Minor, explain this one. I had a dream the other night about Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer doing 69 under a portrait of FDR, with an incredibly obese Bill Clinton watching and eating an enormous cheeseburger. Joe Biden was off in a corner wearing a hair shirt, and his lips were stitched shut. Barack Obama was off in Europe, as usual, buying a trunkload of Giorgio Armani suits for his narrow shoulders and blowing kisses to his hordes of admirers, who looked like those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz but smaller and with French accents. What do you make of that? Or should I call in Dr. bench?

Ivytalk wrote:OK, D1B, I'll bite. Mr. Psychology Minor, explain this one. I had a dream the other night about Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer doing 69 under a portrait of FDR, with an incredibly obese Bill Clinton watching and eating an enormous cheeseburger. Joe Biden was off in a corner wearing a hair shirt, and his lips were stitched shut. Barack Obama was off in Europe, as usual, buying a trunkload of Giorgio Armani suits for his narrow shoulders and blowing kisses to his hordes of admirers, who looked like those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz but smaller and with French accents. What do you make of that? Or should I call in Dr. bench?

Where were you in this dream?

D1B wrote:

Ivytalk wrote:OK, D1B, I'll bite. Mr. Psychology Minor, explain this one. I had a dream the other night about Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer doing 69 under a portrait of FDR, with an incredibly obese Bill Clinton watching and eating an enormous cheeseburger. Joe Biden was off in a corner wearing a hair shirt, and his lips were stitched shut. Barack Obama was off in Europe, as usual, buying a trunkload of Giorgio Armani suits for his narrow shoulders and blowing kisses to his hordes of admirers, who looked like those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz but smaller and with French accents. What do you make of that? Or should I call in Dr. bench?

Where were you in this dream?

Totally above it, like Mr. Deus ex Machina, laughing my head off!

Ok, I also need help. I'm trying to write this stupid literature review and since I'm stressed enough I'm revamping a paper from my undergrad. The problem is that it sucks and I have no where to go with it. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and don't like to do sub par work but I need help getting over that for this paper so I can just be done with it and handle getting a B or lower on it.

This is not a "real" problem like grief induced suicidal/homicidal thoughts - the subject of this thread, but I'll make an exception.

Simple voyeuristic dream. Most people to some degree are intrigued, attracted to or fascinated by that which they abhor.

Ivytalk wrote:

D1B wrote:
Where were you in this dream?

Totally above it, like Mr. Deus ex Machina, laughing my head off!

I find it quite interesting that you were laughing at this scene.

Personally, I'd be upchucking at any thought of either Nancy or chuck performing ANY sex act, let alone with each other.

Do you find power attractive?

I also find your attraction to Obama's "narrow shoulders", something that even I didn't notice. Is this a sign again of attraction to power? Or are you just upset knowing that you will never be able to wear his used suits?

And this obsession with politicians looks, especially with your neighbor Joe really is worrisome.

TheBetterHalf wrote:Ok, I also need help. I'm trying to write this stupid literature review and since I'm stressed enough I'm revamping a paper from my undergrad. The problem is that it sucks and I have no where to go with it. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and don't like to do sub par work but I need help getting over that for this paper so I can just be done with it and handle getting a B or lower on it.

I would recommend a heavy dose of this:

TheBetterHalf wrote:Ok, I also need help. I'm trying to write this stupid literature review and since I'm stressed enough I'm revamping a paper from my undergrad. The problem is that it sucks and I have no where to go with it. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and don't like to do sub par work but I need help getting over that for this paper so I can just be done with it and handle getting a B or lower on it.

Never compromise your principles. It's not advisable in the short term to run counter to your tendencies (perfectionism). Do not use the undergrad paper or you stand the chance of plagerizing, yourself.

Literature is man's greatest artistic creation. Immediately rediscover this beauty and art and make a go of it. You are not writing a paper you are creating art, even if it's review.

What if I just use the paper as a base and change things as I go along? I have to change several things because it doesn't even sound like me now. I have new studies to add into it and stuff so it's not really plagiarism.

dbackjon wrote:

Ivytalk wrote:
Totally above it, like Mr. Deus ex Machina, laughing my head off!

I find it quite interesting that you were laughing at this scene.

Personally, I'd be upchucking at any thought of either Nancy or chuck performing ANY sex act, let alone with each other.

Do you find power attractive?

I also find your attraction to Obama's "narrow shoulders", something that even I didn't notice. Is this a sign again of attraction to power? Or are you just upset knowing that you will never be able to wear his used suits?

And this obsession with politicians looks, especially with your neighbor Joe really is worrisome.

IMO, I'd be worried about obsession if he was livid (tman) or had a wet stain in the bed when he woke up (Cap'nCat). I think he's OK, for now.

TheBetterHalf wrote:What if I just use the paper as a base and change things as I go along? I have to change several things because it doesn't even sound like me now. I have new studies to add into it and stuff so it's not really plagiarism.

I'm sorry I cannot help you here without reading the source paper and having a little more info on the subject matter. The plagiarism crack was a joke.

What is your goal with this paper? To get it done fast?

If I may, but as a grad student, don't you think you should be taking your studies a little more seriously?

It's perfectly fine to question my commitment to this paper. To be honest I can't seem to have any desire to write this one. I have so many other projects coming up that also require my focus and attention and those I actually feel committed too. I love the hands on work and doing my actual counseling sessions and I do take those extremely seriously. I'm just getting to my breaking point with schoolwork, work, and wedding planning that this paper is the least of my concerns. Our only instruction on the paper was to write a 10-12 page lit review on a topic of our choice, my undergrad paper dealt with premarital education and marital satisfaction predictors and that's still an interest. I just can't see making myself do the work twice when I have a good foundation to start from already written and it just needs a little work.

dbackjon wrote:

Ivytalk wrote:
Totally above it, like Mr. Deus ex Machina, laughing my head off!

I find it quite interesting that you were laughing at this scene.

Personally, I'd be upchucking at any thought of either Nancy or chuck performing ANY sex act, let alone with each other.

Do you find power attractive?

I also find your attraction to Obama's "narrow shoulders", something that even I didn't notice. Is this a sign again of attraction to power? Or are you just upset knowing that you will never be able to wear his used suits?

And this obsession with politicians looks, especially with your neighbor Joe really is worrisome.

I find power attractive, to the extent I respect the holder of that power. By that standard, Margaret Thatcher (one of my idols) was the sexiest politician of her era. I'm hardly "attracted" to Barry's narrow shoulders. And as for Joe Biden, I can only wish that someone would wire his jaws shut.

TheBetterHalf wrote:It's perfectly fine to question my commitment to this paper. To be honest I can't seem to have any desire to write this one. I have so many other projects coming up that also require my focus and attention and those I actually feel committed too. I love the hands on work and doing my actual counseling sessions and I do take those extremely seriously. I'm just getting to my breaking point with schoolwork, work, and wedding planning that this paper is the least of my concerns. Our only instruction on the paper was to write a 10-12 page lit review on a topic of our choice, my undergrad paper dealt with premarital education and marital satisfaction predictors and that's still an interest. I just can't see making myself do the work twice when I have a good foundation to start from already written and it just needs a little work.

Then you have already answered your own question. Modify and submit.

Ivytalk wrote:

dbackjon wrote:
I find it quite interesting that you were laughing at this scene.

Personally, I'd be upchucking at any thought of either Nancy or chuck performing ANY sex act, let alone with each other.

Do you find power attractive?

I also find your attraction to Obama's "narrow shoulders", something that even I didn't notice. Is this a sign again of attraction to power? Or are you just upset knowing that you will never be able to wear his used suits?

And this obsession with politicians looks, especially with your neighbor Joe really is worrisome.

I find power attractive, to the extent I respect the holder of that power. By that standard, Margaret Thatcher (one of my idols) was the sexiest politician of her era. I'm hardly "attracted" to Barry's narrow shoulders. And as for Joe Biden, I can only wish that someone would wire his jaws shut.

I was just watching the Family Guy episode where the guys were sitting around the bar discussing who they would do if they could do anyone - Quagmire says "Margaret Thatcher"...

dbackjon wrote:

TheBetterHalf wrote:It's perfectly fine to question my commitment to this paper. To be honest I can't seem to have any desire to write this one. I have so many other projects coming up that also require my focus and attention and those I actually feel committed too. I love the hands on work and doing my actual counseling sessions and I do take those extremely seriously. I'm just getting to my breaking point with schoolwork, work, and wedding planning that this paper is the least of my concerns. Our only instruction on the paper was to write a 10-12 page lit review on a topic of our choice, my undergrad paper dealt with premarital education and marital satisfaction predictors and that's still an interest. I just can't see making myself do the work twice when I have a good foundation to start from already written and it just needs a little work.

Then you have already answered your own question. Modify and submit.

I respectfully disagree.

Explore a new, exciting and challenging topic and write a new paper. I look forward to seeing what you come up with.

D1B wrote:

TheBetterHalf wrote:Ok, I also need help. I'm trying to write this stupid literature review and since I'm stressed enough I'm revamping a paper from my undergrad. The problem is that it sucks and I have no where to go with it. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and don't like to do sub par work but I need help getting over that for this paper so I can just be done with it and handle getting a B or lower on it.

Never compromise your principles. It's not advisable in the short term to run counter to your tendencies (perfectionism). Do not use the undergrad paper or you stand the chance of plagerizing, yourself.

Literature is man's greatest artistic creation. Immediately rediscover this beauty and art and make a go of it. You are not writing a paper you are creating art, even if it's review.

Deep thoughts from Jack Handy.

AZGrizFan wrote:

D1B wrote:
Never compromise your principles. It's not advisable in the short term to run counter to your tendencies (perfectionism). Do not use the undergrad paper or you stand the chance of plagerizing, yourself.

Literature is man's greatest artistic creation. Immediately rediscover this beauty and art and make a go of it. You are not writing a paper you are creating art, even if it's review.

Deep thoughts from Jack Handy.

Good to see you posting again AZ.

How are you doing?

D1B wrote:

AZGrizFan wrote:
Deep thoughts from Jack Handy.

Good to see you posting again AZ.

How are you doing?

This new job is kickin' my ASS. I made a commitment to have an individual meeting with EVERY employee, and I'm through #31 of 70. Every hour, on the hour, for the past 4-5 days, I've had another meeting, in between trying to fix everything that's wrong with the organization. It leaves little time for keeping you and Cappy straight.

AZGrizFan wrote:

D1B wrote:
Good to see you posting again AZ.

How are you doing?

This new job is kickin' my ASS. I made a commitment to have an individual meeting with EVERY employee, and I'm through #31 of 70. Every hour, on the hour, for the past 4-5 days, I've had another meeting, in between trying to fix everything that's wrong with the organization. It leaves little time for keeping you and Cappy straight.

I figured you were pretty busy. Hang in there.

doc! doc! since november i've been having the same recurring dream... i see this map... over and over



and all i can do to whiny ass titty baby conks all over america in this dream is scream at the top of my lungs...

score-board! score-board!

then i laugh myself silly until i wake up...

i bring this problem to you not to get you to change it... but to see what we can do to bottle it! the only thing better than taking our country back for the tard-scouts who ran it in to the ditch is watching them piss their collective pants now that we're back in charge!

TwinTownBisonFan wrote:doc! doc! since november i've been having the same recurring dream... i see this map... over and over



and all i can do to whiny ass titty baby conks all over america in this dream is scream at the top of my lungs...

score-board! score-board!

then i laugh myself silly until i wake up...

i bring this problem to you not to get you to change it... but to see what we can do to bottle it! the only thing better than taking our country back for the tard-scouts who ran it in to the ditch is watching them piss their collective pants as we get it out of the ditch and run it off a fcuking cliff!

Fixed it for you, TT.

TwinTownBisonFan wrote:doc! doc! since november i've been having the same recurring dream... i see this map... over and over



and all i can do to whiny ass titty baby conks all over america in this dream is scream at the top of my lungs...

score-board! score-board!

then i laugh myself silly until i wake up...

i bring this problem to you not to get you to change it... but to see what we can do to bottle it! the only thing better than taking our country back for the tard-scouts who ran it in to the ditch is watching them piss their collective pants now that we're back in charge!

There is no longer any "Conks" operating publicly, the only former Conks that can be heard from are the ones that have gone utterly bat shit bonkers and are refusing all offers of mental therapy, we shall here after refer to them as "Bonks".

"Bonks", kind has a nice ring to it!

Dr. D, please help.......what's a good, honest, true conk supposed to do when he hates the current GOP and loathes the Donks?