Dear Liberals - Missoula, MT

[ALPHAGRIZ1]

Dear liberals,

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Washington DC You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country, under those citizens personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Missoula next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with your recommendations.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling, however, we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.

Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him.

You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a counselor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter while Ahmed is adjusting to American culture.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,
Donald J Trump

[Pwns]

Alpha is the new Milo.

[Ibanez]

Department of National Defense?

[YoUDeeMan]

[grizzaholic]

Alpha,

Is there a way we can just get them to move back to Cali and the EC(b), NEVER TO RETURN? I am sure we could get enough money raised in one of those "gofundme" things. Hell, there might be enough left over to give WTAG a Greyhound Bus pass to Panama

[ALPHAGRIZ1]

I would pay for it personally.

Fucking hacks moving here and for what? Its cold, shitty, wolves, drunks and 3/4 of the state looks like North Dakota. Why would anyone want to move here or visit? Idiots.

Stay away

[grizzaholic]

I would pay for it personally.

Fucking hacks moving here and for what? Its cold, shitty, wolves, drunks and 3/4 of the state looks like North Dakota. Why would anyone want to move here or visit? Idiots.

Stay away

And people wonder why I wish for snow and cold every day of the year....it keeps the dummies out; and yet, they keep on coming to the state. They come here wanting to get away from their shitty city and yet the first thing they do is try to turn Montana into the exact thing they tried to leave.

[kalm]

I copied and pasted this into a chain email and sent it off to my conservative friends and relatives. They'll flat out eat this shit up like an episode of Hee Haw or Bob Saget.

Thanks, Man!

[grizzaholic]

I copied and pasted this into a chain email and sent it off to my conservative friends and relatives. They'll flat out eat this shit up like an episode of Hee Haw or Bob Saget.

Thanks, Man!

I am gone most of the time and cannot tell if serious or joking

[kalm]

I copied and pasted this into a chain email and sent it off to my conservative friends and relatives. They'll flat out eat this shit up like an episode of Hee Haw or Bob Saget.

Thanks, Man!

I am gone most of the time and cannot tell if serious or joking

Kalm's first rule of message boards: you do not take anything seriously.

Kalm's second rule of message boards: you DO NOT take anything seriously.

[grizzaholic]

I am gone most of the time and cannot tell if serious or joking

Kalm's first rule of message boards: you do not take anything seriously.

Kalm's second rule of message boards: you DO NOT take anything seriously.

So by rule, SH and dal are the greatest TROLLS in the history of the interwebs?

#winning

[YoUDeeMan]

I am gone most of the time and cannot tell if serious or joking

Kalm's first rule of message boards: you do not take anything seriously.

Kalm's second rule of message boards: you DO NOT take anything seriously.

Snowflake alert:

TRIGGERED!

Attention Snowflakes: kalm lives on a golf course...please go show your displeasure for him not taking you and your wittle problems seriously. Trample and trash those golf courses until the ruling class succumbs to the idea that you have real problems that need to be resolved by other people paying attention to your needs. For instance, you are confused. Why isn't anyone helping you in your moment of confusion? Why, when you post something on the interweb of life, isn't anyone taking you and your confusion seriously?

Time to change that.

Use your triggered energy to go out and lay on a fairway. After all, what could be more fair than a fairway? Fairways should be for everyone...that would be the only fair way.

Round Up your fellow tree huggers and head to the immaculate green of the nearest golf course and show the cold, insensitive world that you mean business...but not in a cold businesslike way. Put your body on the line for social justice and make people take you seriously.

Rise up and lay down!

[Ibanez]

I copied and pasted this into a chain email and sent it off to my conservative friends and relatives. They'll flat out eat this shit up like an episode of Hee Haw or Bob Saget.

Thanks, Man!

A chain email? It's only a matter of days before Gil Dobie posts it as something from the NYT.

[andy7171]

I have to admit, Sprout posted a fantastic letter.