L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

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L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby Skjellyfetti » Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:10 pm

:lol:

L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department
Posted by Tom O'Donnell

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole 474 million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down… provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said, “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ presents The Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.


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Cid1990 wrote:It is going to be a sad day for a lot of people when all that comes of all of this is Flynn getting whacked.

Mueller is going to take a beating on the left before this business is over

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby CID1990 » Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:18 pm

the libertarians must be making somebody nervous
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby Pwns » Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:55 pm

Requiring a quarter to fire a gun sounds like a donk idea.
We get the government we deserve. :nod:

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby Skjellyfetti » Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:04 pm

CID1990 wrote:the libertarians must be making somebody nervous


more a threat to republicans than democrats, imo.

how many Conks on here no longer identify as "Republican" but "Libertarian", again? All but one or two? :lol:
"The unmasking thing was all created by Devin Nunes"
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Cid1990 wrote:It is going to be a sad day for a lot of people when all that comes of all of this is Flynn getting whacked.

Mueller is going to take a beating on the left before this business is over

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby BlueHen86 » Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:08 pm

:lol:

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby AZGrizFan » Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:42 pm

Skjellyfetti wrote:
“Easy, chief,” I said, “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”


:lol: :lol:
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby CID1990 » Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:58 pm

Skjellyfetti wrote:
CID1990 wrote:the libertarians must be making somebody nervous


more a threat to republicans than democrats, imo.

how many Conks on here no longer identify as "Republican" but "Libertarian", again? All but one or two? :lol:


Hmm.

I didnt realize that hyperbolic article about libertarians was taken from National Review

oh! whaddaya know? it wasnt Natty Review
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby Skjellyfetti » Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:59 pm

Cid seems angry. Learn to laugh. :jack:
"The unmasking thing was all created by Devin Nunes"
- Richard Burr, (R-NC)

Cid1990 wrote:It is going to be a sad day for a lot of people when all that comes of all of this is Flynn getting whacked.

Mueller is going to take a beating on the left before this business is over

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby Grizalltheway » Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:41 pm

Skjellyfetti wrote:Cid seems angry. Learn to laugh. :jack:

Probably hits too close to home for him. :coffee:

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby kalm » Wed Apr 02, 2014 5:53 am

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(Good find Skelly. :lol: )
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby CID1990 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 5:57 am

Skjellyfetti wrote:Cid seems angry. Learn to laugh. :jack:


oh I thought it was very funny

but I thought it was much more telling that it was in the new yorker
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby DSUrocks07 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:48 am

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby CitadelGrad » Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:49 am

It seems the donks don't quite understand libertarianism, but they sure as hell are nervous about it. They should be.
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby CID1990 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:52 am

CitadelGrad wrote:It seems the donks don't quite understand libertarianism, but they sure as hell are nervous about it. They should be.


Watch out- there's some defensive people in this thread who will call you angry
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby DSUrocks07 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:53 am

CID1990 wrote:the libertarians must be making somebody nervous


they claim that we're a threat to only the GOP...since when did the opposing party care about the make up of its membership? I thought it was all about winning elections right? :coffee:

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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby kalm » Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:58 am

DSUrocks07 wrote:
CID1990 wrote:the libertarians must be making somebody nervous


they claim that we're a threat to only the GOP...since when did the opposing party care about the make up of its membership? I thought it was all about winning elections right? :coffee:

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Smart Republicans used to realize this. :coffee:
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby AZGrizFan » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:04 am

kalm wrote:
DSUrocks07 wrote:
they claim that we're a threat to only the GOP...since when did the opposing party care about the make up of its membership? I thought it was all about winning elections right? :coffee:

Image


Image

Smart Republicans used to realize this. :coffee:


Yeah. I mean who would want to try and control/contain the very programs that are bringing the country to it's financial knees? Stupid, huh?
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby kalm » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:11 am

AZGrizFan wrote:
kalm wrote:
Image

Smart Republicans used to realize this. :coffee:


Yeah. I mean who would want to try and control/contain the very programs that are bringing the country to it's financial knees? Stupid, huh?


Abolish. :coffee:
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby AZGrizFan » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:12 am

kalm wrote:
AZGrizFan wrote:
Yeah. I mean who would want to try and control/contain the very programs that are bringing the country to it's financial knees? Stupid, huh?


Abolish. :coffee:


Who is trying to abolish those programs?
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby VictorG » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:15 am

:rofl: :rofl: :thumb:


BTW, I'm actually a fan of the Central Bank system. I no longer have to wonder who is responsible for currency manipulation and what not. I already know!!

Now if they could just take over Wall Street and the commodities market! :nod:
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby AZGrizFan » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:16 am

VictorG wrote::rofl: :rofl: :thumb:


BTW, I'm actually a fan of the Central Bank system. I no longer have to wonder who is responsible for currency manipulation and what not. I already know!!

Now if they could just take over Wall Street and the commodities market! :nod:


You don't think they're already running those? :coffee:
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby kalm » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:16 am

AZGrizFan wrote:
kalm wrote:
Abolish. :coffee:


Who is trying to abolish those programs?


That was Ike's quote. And I guarantee you true libertarians as well people like Grover Norquist are.
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby CID1990 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:17 am

AZGrizFan wrote:
kalm wrote:
Abolish. :coffee:


Who is trying to abolish those programs?


I was thinking the same thing.

I hear a lot of noise about farm programs being welfare for rich big farmers (they are) but that noise tends to come from the left when they are making arguments based in moral equivalency.

Where's the hue and cry to abolish Soc Sec, labor laws, or unemployment insurance?
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby kalm » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:17 am

VictorG wrote::rofl: :rofl: :thumb:


BTW, I'm actually a fan of the Central Bank system. I no longer have to wonder who is responsible for currency manipulation and what not. I already know!!

Now if they could just take over Wall Street and the commodities market! :nod:


:lol: :clap:
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Re: L.P.D: Libertarian Police Department

Postby DSUrocks07 » Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:19 am

kalm wrote:
DSUrocks07 wrote:
they claim that we're a threat to only the GOP...since when did the opposing party care about the make up of its membership? I thought it was all about winning elections right? :coffee:

Image


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Smart Republicans used to realize this. :coffee:


One thing that smart Democrats learned quickly. Giving somebody something for nothing is an excellent way to gain their loyalty. :coffee:

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